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"Too Bad" No.2:

Here's to when it sucks 

and all you want to know is "why."

And then you find out.

And all you still want to know is "why?"

You're good, and you seem happy. I'm getting along and you seem happy.

It sucks, but not so much.

I'm getting along.

You haven't broken or even bruised my heart really. You were just window shopping and It was something pretty to look at, i knew that. You pulled it out of my chest and admired its beauty and Pointed out it's flaws. It was Cheap, but with reason and It didn't fit quite right, but you bought it anyway. You kept the receipt. you took it home, showed it your friends; your room; your bed. You took it to Moab and you told it about your parents and your brother and how you used to talk to your self, like actually cary out conversations. You told it about Your early years in college and those nights after Noah broke your heart and you just drove around and cried and cried. On the way back home you told it "i probably shouldn't have kissed you last night" and to wait till after i graduate high school And that was all okay. You even told it it was "The Shit," which was pretty awesome to hear.

 You stopped and listened too.

It Told you about it's parents and friends and how it hasn't really had anyone to talk to. it took you up to sliding rock and you kept it warm. It took you up the canyon to the lake where we both got sunburned as hell; i'm sure we fell asleep. It told you how much it sucks at relationship things and it kissed your neck way too much, but you stuck around a little longer.

Things we're good, but it still didn't quite fit and when you found something a little more your size, you put me in the shoe box in you bottom drawer next to the receipt and let me get dusty for 2 months.

 You finally returned me a bit 

worn and a little off beat; 

a little out of tune. 

I wasn't mad.

Just tired.

There was nothing really too even "break up,"

I understand.

And let alone to merit a response like this.

Your the closest i've come to having anything in a very long time.

I hope you understand.

I'm not going to ask why

I just hope he's good to you, i really do.

I know he is cause you wouldn't settle for less.

I just hope It meant as much to you as it did me.

And i hope you know how good you've been to me.

I really meant it when i said:

"I hope i see you around,"

and

"Keep in touch." 

And i hope you really meant it when you said:

"Yeah, for sure."

~M

.

rejectverb |riˈjekt| [ trans. ]dismiss as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one's taste :union negotiators rejected a 1.5 percent pay increase.• refuse to agree to (a request) : an application to hold a pop concert at the club was rejected.• fail to show due affection or concern for (someone); rebuff : she didn't want him to feel he had been rejected after his sister was born.• Medicine show an immune response to (a transplanted organ or tissue) so that it fails to survive.noun |ˈrēˌjekt|a person or thing dismissed as failing to meet standards or satisfy tastes : some of the team's rejects have gone on to prove themselves in championships.DERIVATIVESrejectee |riˌjekˈtē; ˌrē-| nounrejection |riˈjek sh ən| nounrejective |riˈjektiv| adjective ( rare).rejector |-tər| nounORIGIN late Middle English : from Latin reject- ‘thrown back,’ from the verb reicere, from re- ‘back’ + jacere ‘to throw.’

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__________:

It's getting harder and 

harder to keep going.

~M

.

Drink up, baby, stay up all night
With the things you could do, you won't but you might
The potential you'll be that you'll never see
The promises you'll only make

Drink up with me now and forget all about
The pressure of days, do what I say
And I'll make you okay and drive them away
The images stuck in your head

People you've been before that you 
Don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still

Drink up, baby, look at the stars
I'll kiss you again, between the bars
Where I'm seeing you there, with your hands in the air
Waiting to finally be caught

Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine
Keep you apart, deep in my heart
separate from the rest, where I like you the best
And keep the things you forgot

People you've been before that you
Don't want around anymore 
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still


.

~M

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Darwinism:

What is it inside of us that makes us feel this 
way? Are we wired like this?
Is this a product of evolution?
A trait of survival?
A tool for
reproduction?

A dirty trick we are 
all falling for.


"Too sad to keep everyone out; too insecure to let anyone in."

~M

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THE RIGHT WORDLoneliness, which refers to a lack of companionship and is often associated with unhappiness, should not be confused with solitude, which is the state of being alone or cut off from all human contact (: the solitude of the lighthouse keeper).You can be in the midst of a crowd of people and still experience loneliness, but not solitude, since you are not physically alone. Similarly, if you enjoy being alone, you can have solitude without loneliness.Lonesomeness is more intense than loneliness, suggesting the downheartedness you may experience when a loved one is absent (: she experienced lonesomeness following the death of her dog).Desolation is more intense still, referring to a state of being utterly alone or forsaken (: the widow's desolation).Desolation can also indicate a state of ruin or barrenness (:the desolation of the volcanic islands).Alienation, disaffection, and estrangement have less to do with being or feeling alone and more to do with emotions that change over time.Alienation is a word that suggests a feeling of unrelatedness, especially a feeling of distance from your social or intellectual environment (: alienation from society).Disaffection suggests that you now feel indifference or even distaste toward someone you were once fond of (: a wife's growing disaffection for her husband), whileestrangement is a voluntary disaffection that can result in complete separation and strong feelings of dislike or hatred (: a daughter's estrangement from her parents).

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Revision - A Rough Cut

_________: 

(I hate titles)

=

      You see, as a child the sun used to set behind these clouds. It'd throw it's colors to our sky and it'd paint our skin gold, and When we slept these clouds held our dreams. But not any more.

These clouds used to roll themselves into great storms and we'd stay up all night to watch the lightning strike. We'd run out into the streets and with our bare feet we would dam up the warm water. and then all at once, we'd let it all go. 

Did you see the tidal waves we made in our streets? Did you let them sweep you off your feet? Or did you run to higher ground? 

Rain ran off our cheeks and into the streets that turned to rivers and i bought a canoe. 
Cul de sacs turned to lakes and we built a dock and soon a harbor; our community was thriving.

We opened a general store and Ship after ship would pour in. We'd buy and sell and trade. We had fish, crab and fur, markets. A boat yard, a pub, an inn, a brothel. We had a blacksmith, a baker, a farmer, a milk man, students, teachers, a wig maker, a basket maker, a dress maker, a day maker, Deckhands, servants, muck rakers, framers, roofers, Soldiers, criminals, bums, junkies, cobbler, con men, and clowns. We Thew parties and reenacted boston tea parties. We smoked and drank and fought and made up. We fell in love and broke hearts; cat called and caught glances, but never gathered the courage to go talk to her.

We had it all,

but the only thing we were missing was you.

We awoke that morning to sirens and an ambulance on your lawn.

Your mom had found face down in your bed. 

You were soaking wet and your lungs were filled with water.

I got in just as your heart stopped and your mom lost it she was hysterical and a swear your dad broke your hand he was squeezing it so hard as the medics were frantically trying to pound life back into you 15 beats at a time praying to dear God no please no you can do this.

                                    

                               You can make it!     

                                                      no     no  NO!

 please...

            

 no         no...       

                                           you can't...

You can't do this..... 

                         PLEASE. 

                                                      Don't take him from us.

                  you can't take him from us.

he's not ready...              

                                                     I'm not ready.                                                         

                                         

                                           

                                     GOD DAMNIT!

                                

                               DON"T DO THIS!

                                                        You can't do this!

                      

please...

 And it worked.

But for only a moment. 

Your eyes opened and the room went still.

You were paralyzed, you stayed still. 

There was something you couldn't say.

It was so quiet. 

You looked so scared.

You were struggling under the weight.

There was something you couldn't say.

It felt like an eternity before your eyes met mine.

Your eyes fluttered for a moment and like a wave of light that washed over 

you, the fear washed away. And you knew.

This was it.

 Oceans swelled in your eyes so deep i nearly drown 

right there with you.

Then  

I understood. 

And with one last breath,

you Let go.

I left the room quieter than before;

The medics not trying once more to resuscitate you,

You mom no longer crying, 

And your father still squeezing your 

possibly broken hand.

.

~M