.

Trying so hard to convince myself i didn't build this for you.

~M

.

Love:

______________

love |ləv|

.noun1 an intense feeling of deep affection : babies fill parents with intense feelings of love | their love for their country.• a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone : it was love at first sight | they were both in love with her |we were slowly falling in love.• ( Love) a personified figure of love, often represented as Cupid.• a great interest and pleasure in something : his love forfootball | we share a love of music.• affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one's behalf.• a formula for ending an affectionate letter : take care, lots of love, Judy.2 a person or thing that one loves : she was the love of his life | their two great loves are tobacco and whiskey.• Brit., informal a friendly form of address : it's all right, love.• ( a love) Brit., informal used to express affectionate approval for someone : don't fret, there's a love.3 (in tennis, squash, and some other sports) a score of zero; nil : love fifteen | he was down two sets to love.[ORIGIN: apparently from the phrase play for love (i.e., the love of the game, not for money); folk etymology has connected the word with French l'oeuf ‘egg,’ from the resemblance in shape between an egg and a zero.]verb [ trans. ]feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone) : do you love me?• like very much; find pleasure in : I'd love a cup of tea, thanks | I just love dancing | [as adj., in combination ] ( -loving) a fun-loving girl.PHRASESfor love for pleasure not profit : he played for the love ofthe game.for the love of God used to express annoyance, surprise, or urgent pleading : for the love of God, get me out of here!for the love of Mike informal used to accompany an exasperated request or to express dismay.love me, love my dog proverb if you love someone, you must accept everything about them, even their faults or weaknesses.make love 1 have sexual intercourse. 2 ( make love to)dated pay amorous attention to (someone).not for love or money informal not for any inducement or in any circumstances : they'll not return for love or money.there's no (or little or not much) love lost between there is mutual dislike between (two or more people mentioned).DERIVATIVESloveless adjectivelovelessly adverblovelessness nounloveworthy |-ˌwərðē| adjectiveORIGIN Old English lufu, of Germanic origin; from anIndo-European root shared by Sanskrit lubhyati ‘desires,’Latin libet ‘it is pleasing,’ libido ‘desire,’ also by leave 2and lief ._____________

It's been a while.

~M

.

Just stumble on this:

Funeral Blues
By, WH Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone, 
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, 
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum 
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come. 

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead 
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead. 
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves, 
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves. 

He was my North, my South, my East and West, 
My working week and my Sunday rest, 
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; 
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong. 

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one, 
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun, 
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods; 
For nothing now can ever come to any good.


--------------------------


I've never really known anyone that has died.
To be honest I know nothing of death though it seems i am surrounded by it. 4 Kids in one year at my school, and the only one i knew was a jerk when i knew him.

______________

death |deθ|

.nounthe action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism : I don't believe in life after death | [as adj. ] a death sentence.• an instance of a person or an animal dying : there's been a death in his family.• the state of being dead : even in death, she was beautiful.• the permanent ending of vital processes in a cell or tissue.• ( Death) [in sing. ] the personification of the power that destroys life, often represented in art and literature as a skeleton or an old man holding a scythe.• [in sing. ] figurative the destruction or permanent end of something : the death of her hopes.• figurative informal a damaging or destructive state of affairs : to be driven to a dance by one's father would be social death.PHRASESat death's door (esp. in hyperbolic use) so ill that one might die.be the death of (often used hyperbolically or humorously) cause someone's death : you'll be the death of me with all your questions.be in at the death be present when a hunted animal is caught and killed. • be present when something fails or comes to an end.catch one's death ( of cold) informal catch a severe cold or chill.do someone to death kill someone.do something to death perform or repeat something so frequently that it becomes tediously familiar : a subject that has been done to death by generations of painters.a fate worse than death a terrible experience, esp. that of seduction or rape.like death warmed over (or up) informal extremely tired or ill.a matter of life and death see life .put someone to death kill someone, esp. with official sanction.till (or until) death us do part for as long as both persons in a couple live. [ORIGIN: from the marriage service in theBook of Common Prayer.]to death used of a particular action or process that results in someone's death : he was stabbed to death. • used to emphasize the extreme nature of a specific action, feeling, or state of mind : I'm sick to death of you.to the death until dead : a fight to the death.DERIVATIVESdeathlike |-ˌlīk| adjectiveORIGIN Old English dēath, of Germanic origin; related toDutch dood and German Tod, also to die 1 .

mourning |ˈmôrni ng |

.

nounthe expression of deep sorrow for someone who has died, typically involving following certain conventions such as wearing black clothes : she's still in mourning after the death of her husband.

• black clothes worn as an expression of grief when someone dies.mourn |môrn|verb [ trans. ]feel or show deep sorrow or regret for (someone or their death), typically by following conventions such as the wearing of black clothes : Isabel mourned her husband |[ intrans. ] she had to mourn for her friends who died in the accident.• feel regret or sadness about (the loss or disappearance of something) : publishers mourned declining sales of hardback fiction.ORIGIN Old English murnan, of Germanic origin.

THE RIGHT WORD

Not everyone exhibits unhappiness in the same way. In this "unhappy" group of verbs, the stongest is grieve, implying deep mental anguish or suffering, often endured alone and in silence (: she grieved for years over the loss of her baby).Mourn is more formal and often more public; although it implies deep emotion felt over a period of time, that emotion may be more ceremonial than sincere (: the people mourned the loss of their leader).Lament comes from a Latin word meaning to wail or weep, and it therefore suggests a vocal or verbal expression of loss (: The shrieking women lamented their husbands' deaths).Bemoan also suggests suppressed or inarticulate sounds of grief, often expressing regret or disapproval (:to bemoan one's fate).Sorrow combines deep sadness with regret and often pertains to a less tragic loss than grieve or mourn (:sorrow over a lost love), while rue has even stronger connotations of regret and repentance (: she rued the day she was born).
----------------------
I've got to stop searching. Something is still missing. Maybe it's not death i should be digging through.

"I've never fought for my life, What do i know of Death?"

~M
*(Trying to keep myself from apologizing for this blog. Though I'm sure my one follower appreciate an apology.)

.

Your Dark Wall.

A letter to the universe written in my phone late last night:

Let me know i've missed nothing because the idea that there is beauty beyond the horizons of my perspective breaks my heart. Let me know the limits of this word and myself.


I need to know there is an end, a place to lie down against your dark wall and take it all in.
There I will know that I've done all. There I will have seen and heard and felt all there is to see And hear and feel. I will have taken and given and said and shown everything I could. Breathed in all the the oxygen into my lungs and pumped all the blood throug my veins, my finger tips, and beyond. I will have connected every synaps and fired each and every nerve in my body, and from head to toe, from axon to dendrite. From every atom of every cell in my body, I will be everything. All I ever could and all I am. No Horizons.

There I will bask in my finity and finally allow my heart stop.

_______________

infinity |inˈfinitē|

.noun ( pl. -ties)the state or quality of being infinite : the infinity of space.• an infinite or very great number or amount : an infinity of excuses.• Mathematics a number greater than any assignable quantity or countable number (symbol ∞).• a point in space or time that is or seems infinitely distant : the lawns stretched into infinity.ORIGIN late Middle English : from Old French infinite orLatin infinitas, from infinitus (see infinite ).

______________

finite |ˈfīnīt|

.adjective1 having limits or bounds : every computer has a finite amount of memory.• not infinitely small : one's chance of winning may be small, but it is finite.2 Grammar (of a verb form) having a specific tense, number, and person. Contrasted with nonfinite .DERIVATIVESfinitely adverbfiniteness nounfinity* ?ORIGIN late Middle English : from Latin finitus‘finished,’ past participle of finire (see finish ).

*(My new word)

____

~M