.

(Press play, and start reading)

7:50:

Lightning stuck the lamp post and there you were looking at me.

My god,  never has so much existed in 
such a small sliver of time.

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_________________________

_________________________
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(wait for music)

Standing in front of me,

I brushed the hair from your face to behind your ear.

White light on soft skin and green eyes.

A smile growing from with in.

A split second turned into 470,

and I sat there and watched you. 

Slowly through time.

~M

.

.

One day someone will look at me and see me naked, exactly as I am. 

And all I will be able to say is, "I know. I've known all along. 

And I know that that makes me the worst kind of person."

~M

.

"Being at a Loss for Words":

I drove by the house of the girl I thought I'd end

 up marrying even though (especially because) it was far from my way home.

I told her in a note on her wedding day, 

"you'll always be the one who got away." 

She told a friend, "Cody wasn't very happy,

but I thought it was sweet."

"Sweet."

What did the word sound like when it left her lips?

Did it trail off with her eye's to the bottom of an empty glass? Was there a pause 

and a quick apology? Or was it like a gun shot? The sharp tick of her tongue against the back 

of her teeth. A startling "t" breaking through a thick Utah-born accent.

"Sweet."

Had she asked about me?

She "liked" a comment of mine on a post she had no business reading.

Still waiting for that knock on my door in the pouring rain.

Though I hope the day never comes.

I hit a snake leaving her neighborhood.

 I wrapped him up in an old henley and buried him 

under a tree behind my house. 

Maybe it's time I let go...

... regardless of me having just killed thee symbol 

of Transformation and Rebirth.

~M

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I wish all of my worries were of my life, not my living.

~M

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sleep:

.

It's like that morning-after-some-terrible-thing-happened sadness.

Like I stayed up the whole night wandering the streets and the sun's coming up and I'm thinking, "where the fuck am I? I should call a cab, i've got to go home."

Nothing's happened though. There's a little part of me, inside, that's freaking out-- ready to jump. But I feel okay, all that boils up is a kind-of blankness. 

I don't want to sleep, I just want to talk. I'm the last one out the door of class and I always manage to say something ridiculous and stupid to the teacher, who i don't know why i think he would give a shit, but hoping to start a conversation of any kind. I'm never ready to just go home lately, I'm not ready to call it a day.

Even dropped by Spencer's on my way home to talk nothings. He was with a girl, said i could come up and i did, though i just should've just gone home. I kept saying "There was something really important i needed to tell you, i just can't remember. I'll text you if i think of it," trying to convince myself there really was something i had to tell him.

Now I'm just up far too late and I'm just... i don't know-- feeling better now that I'm getting some of it out, I guess. Not like a couple days ago though. Sorry about that, it was a strange, sad morning. I didn't really understand what i did until my friend at work told me how sad it was. I don't know if I miss her or if I miss not being alone. 

You should come over though. Sleep on my floor with me, i've got work early, but we can 

get coffee and i'll take you home. Yeah?

~M

Thank you Ave.

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                 :

I had a dream about you the other night. 

I remembered waking up just before my alarm went off and thinking, "no, no go back to sleep."

And I laid back down,

Just to spend a little more time with you.

I miss you so much.

~M

This was written

at 3:15am.

sorry.

I don't want to

take it down 

though.